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there are those who become tired of religion and leave it, and those leave religion because it does not fit nicely into what they want to be real. then there are those who lose it. i feel like i am losing it, in the process of. ironically, this has nothing to do with a losing of faith or feeling of distance from God. rather, as one draws closer it would seem that things are just unable to stick and fall away. we are arriving naked, something impossible for the ashamed.
practically, i am finding myself confused and not able to understand talk i once very much enjoyed to enter into. talk about God, about the Church. it is feeling like times when due to lack of sleep or exhaustion my ability to communicate in spanish slips and i feel like i did in my first days here in bolivia – completely foreign to the conversation.

some of the thoughts in my head make me laugh for how ludicrous they seem. i hear God laughing with me, which is encouraging, but still makes we wonder what this is all about.

anyways. hello and love after a spell away.